Romance Scams: Warning Signs & How to Help Someone

What are the warning signs of a romance scam?

• Fast intensity: declarations of love within days or weeks, and constant messaging that fills every hour.
• A profile that cannot be verified — photos that appear elsewhere online, few real friends, an account created recently.
• A job that explains distance and prevents meeting: offshore rigs, military deployment, international surgery, contract engineering.
• Video calls are always thwarted by a broken camera, bad connection, or security rules. Any 'video' is brief, grainy, or recycled footage.
• Requests to move off the platform to WhatsApp, Telegram, or Google Chat almost immediately.
• A crisis arrives at the moment a meeting was finally planned.
• Money requests escalate, and each resolution requires one more payment.
• Requests to receive and forward money or packages — this makes the victim an unwitting money mule.

Why do romance scams work on intelligent people?

Because they are not a test of intelligence. They target loneliness, routine, and the human need to be needed — often after a spouse's death, a move, or a health decline. The scammer supplies structure and attention every single day, which is genuinely valuable, and by the time money enters the story the relationship is real to the victim. Shame then keeps it hidden, which is why the average loss grows quietly for months.

How do I help a parent who won't believe it's a scam?

1. 1Do not open with 'you're being scammed.' It triggers defense of the relationship, and it moves the conversation underground.
2. 2Ask questions instead: How did you meet? Have you seen them live on video? What happened the last time a meeting was planned?
3. 3Offer the video test as curiosity rather than accusation — 'I'd love to meet them, can we do a call together this Sunday?'
4. 4Use a reverse image search on their photos together, and let the result speak instead of arguing.
5. 5Separate the person from the money: agree that the relationship can continue while no funds move for thirty days. Scammers cannot tolerate that pause and will escalate, which reveals them.
6. 6Involve a neutral third party — a bank fraud officer, a doctor, an Adult Protective Services caseworker, or a peer who was scammed and speaks about it openly.
7. 7If money is already leaving, contact the bank, and if capacity is a concern, ask APS about protective measures.

What to do after money has been sent

1. 1Stop all further payments, including any 'final fee' to release funds. There is no final fee.
2. 2Call the bank fraud line immediately; wires may be recallable within days, and card payments may be chargeable back.
3. 3Report to ic3.gov and ReportFraud.ftc.gov with dates, amounts, usernames, and wallet addresses.
4. 4Report the profile to the dating site or platform so the account can be removed.
5. 5Preserve messages — do not delete the account or the conversation; investigators need it.
6. 6Expect a recovery scam. Anyone who contacts you offering to retrieve the funds for a fee is part of the same operation.
7. 7Treat the emotional loss as real, because it is. AARP's fraud support line offers free peer counseling.